i just want the tears to fall, fall as freely as the rain outside. i want to feel pain, so i know, all this really is true, and not some scam. i will remember today clrealy, vividly. i will remember the amount of hurtful words dealt out, all with the intention to stab right through the heart. if i was what you said, as what you predicted, i would be at home, tending to the flu, cough and the might-be fever. if checking the time meant selfish, then, you're wrong. i just want to say, i'm not that predictable, not that easily seen through. i did not want to let my eyes rest on some place where i would see it taking place, i wanted somewhere to settle my eyes on, so that i didn't have to see any expression flash across anyone's faces. im sure, this would be a part of my life that i didn't ask for, didn't want to go through entirely. it wouldn't be erased that easily, solved that simply.